YouVersion.com Note for Noah’s Flood

I posted a note on YouVersion.com about the Great Flood, but if you follow that link right now it just shows the message: “This note is in review.” So, it looks like they may be censoring me. Here’s what I posted.

Remember that time I sent a flood to kill all humans except for eight of them? I killed unborn babies along with their mothers, infants, toddlers, tykes, tweens, teens, young adults, adults and the elderly. All of them painfully drowned as I sent more and more and more rain. Enough to cover Mt. Everest! I also killed all the land animals except for two of each. Most fish lived because I wasn’t quite as mad at them.

Noah wasn’t the only one with a boat, so some humans lived for a while after the waters rose, but I sent storms, termites, starvation, thirst and mutiny to destroy the rest.

When my wrath was sated I let the flood waters recede. Then I had to fiddle with the DNA of all animals to make sure they had enough genetic variation to propagate their species. Humans just went through another round of rampant incest, but that was ok because I hadn’t banned it yet.

Finally, I created the rainbow as a sign to the humans. (I had previously tweaked physics to prevent the light refraction that produces rainbows.) Now, every time faithful humans see those beautiful colors, they’re reminded that I once got angry and destroyed almost all of the human race. It’s my little way of reminding folks to stay on the straight and narrow. But there’s a friendly element, too. I promise not to destroy the (whole) world with water again. Next time I’ll use fire!

5 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Iheartjesus on June 27, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    Don’t they learn what happens when people defy god. He kills everyone. I’m pretty sure ” Thou shall not censor god” is one of the commandments.

    Reply

  2. You, sir, have been blog-rolled.

    Reply

  3. I didn’t know you didn’t like swag. Will you unban @alysdexia?

    Reply

  4. You’re not the only one!

    They’ve censored three of mine. Two have to do with the non biblical nature of literal inerrancy. Last time I checked, it wasn’t required to be a fundamentalist, literalist, and inerrantist evangelical to read the Bible.

    Heck, two of them have been liked by other users.

    Good luck with these fascists!

    Aaron

    Reply

  5. And i bet he will tweak the physics of water so that when we pour water over it, it will increase rather than put out. LOL Good one

    Reply

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